I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize