"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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