Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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