I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
