Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
