It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
