Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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