drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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