ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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