New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
