I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
