jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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