I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
