Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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