It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
