I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
