The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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