Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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