I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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