put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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