my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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