Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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