ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
