i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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