i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
