You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
