You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
