your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
