I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
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I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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