how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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