oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
