you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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