evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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