I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
