it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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