I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They took my balls.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
