Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
