real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
