guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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