it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
