i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize