You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
