please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
