I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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