you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
