You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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