We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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