i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
