And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
