Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
