Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
