I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
