wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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