I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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