I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
