I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
