The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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