Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
