It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She even gives head with a lisp.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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