One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
