You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
