Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
